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Deadpool Quotes


Funny and Great Deadpool Quotes!

I can say Chinichanga in seven languajes.

Zippty do dah, zippty-ay, I’m gonna blow all you dirtbags away. Plenty of bullets I’m gonna spray, Zippty do dah, zippty-ay

You look familiar, did I spin you like a beanie propeller and leave you in a motel room in Dubuque?

So I look up, and who is standing over me but Captain America? So he throws his shield at me and I duck and it hits a tank of a viral diarrehic agent. Brother, let me tell you, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen Captain America leave the scene of a fight because he’s gotta — and I do mean GOTTA — empty his bowels.

my haiku, I hate broccoli, it is disgusting, why can’t it be meat?

Sorry, I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I’m hilarious, so don’t hate.

Who dares summon the master of glib, the deliverer of one-liners and the shogun of sarcasm?

Look, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow! It’s going to be an early winter!

Are you talking to yourself or do you see little yellow boxes too?

He inventer rubber? Well I owe grandpa one, thats for sure.

S’matter Buddy? You look a little – what’s the word I’m looking for here – Stupid.

I love a sturdy woman like me beloved Bea…

Deadpool Classic - Volume 1 On Sale for Only $23.39

Not enough to justify what's about to happen to my pedicure. And I paid extra for the little Blackest Night symbols, too. My feets is a rainbow of power...

Duh! Paper or plastic? Hellooo? You have any idea what plastic bags do to the environment? I'm Al Gore's message of death, bee-yotch!

No--wait-- do you have any idea how many STD's I could have?

Can you send me forward to the time when I was mowing my lawn and my next door neighbor, Mrs. Nowicki, asked if I could rub lotion on her back and I ran and locked myself in the Bathroom? I'd really like a do-over on that one, please.

UGH! That was awful...all my thoughts strung together so dreadfully dull and some glacially moving freight train of suck! My God...that must be what it's be a total loser like you!

I've been besmirched! This besmirchment will not stand!

Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you...

Oh, no! He's beating our meat!

You're looking at the chihuahua, right? Sometimes I go too far, I'm the first to admit it.

Bring me more Pop Rocks and Dr. Pepper. Prepare to bathe my monkeys.

You have any idea how hard it is to find a joint that'll serve a guy in a mask and bandolier? They won't even let me into Taco Bell!

You should talk. Your costume's so tight you can tell what religion you are. Ever hear of a cup?

That a giant fiberglass weenie or are you just happy to see me?

Dude, I had to hack that off to save you from zombie germs. You should totally put me on your Christmas card list.

Come ta think of it -- I've seen tougher KEN dolls than you! An' I mean take yer pick here -- mod-hair Ken -- disco Ken -- summer fun Ken -- I let Barbie whip me 'cos I'm a wuss Ken -- Any o' you guys lissenin' t'me?

"Did some say, "Chimichanga"? Never mind. That was just the sound of my skull and brains healing."

Deadpool 1

If you don't let me go, I'm gonna lick your hand.

"Pwangg?" Trees don't go "Pwangg--" Llamas don't go "Pwangg--" Nothing found in nature goes "Pwangg", which means -- we're officially hip deep in the smelly stuff.

Deadpool 2

"II eat the uncertainty principle for breakfast. I was born the original loose cannon. -- and I am one unpredicitible feather-pluckin' walrus! Koo-koo-ka-freakin'-choo!"

Deadpool 3

Hairy Zeus on a traffic light!

Shenanigans? Did you just curse me out in Irish?

Deadpool 4

You mean.. I’m losing my uncanny knack to tell the Olsen twins apart?

Excuse me, sir? I represent the Canadian Ex-boy scouts Association, and it's time or our annual blood drive!

Deadpool 6

There's this problem, Weas... I sort of gave up Killing for Lent...

Yeah? Well you have a big head. No backsies.

Deadpool 10

Cool! They have a baby seal exhibit! See, I told you we should have brought my club, but noooo, you didn't want to carry it in your purse!

On behalf of the San Francisco chapter of Mercs against bad film sequels... I am on a mission to ventilate all killer whales in captivity, to ensure that the world will never have to suffer through "Free Willy" Four!

What's your blood type? Ragu?

So, seriously, your parents were at least first cousins, right?

Deadpool 12

Michael Jackson called, he wants his skin back!

Now just give me a sec to arrange the family assets, and I'll proceed with the butt-whuppin forthwith... anybody got an ace bandage?

Deadpool 13

Mr Belvedere on a biscuit... what did you do?

Aw Geez, if this is a dream I sure hope Carol Channing doens't show up naked again...

Deadpool 19

Hate to Lance your boil Francis, but four out of five dead would-be assassins agree... I'm always a pallbearer never the corpse!

Cable and Deadpool #4

I do not hate everything about the world. Just every show they've ever put on after Friends.

His name is Dick. That's funny.


Daredevil/Deadpool Annual

The sweet kiss of vengeance in teh hands of the proletariat at last... NOOGIE!

Okay, Daddy... After this can we go to Central Park and watch the bums scare tourists? Huh? Can we?

Okay, Campers! Everyone line up single file... it's polka time!

Deadpool 1 (1994)

You have any idea how hard it is to find a joint that'll serve a guy in a mask and bandolier? They won't even let me into Taco Bell!

These good looks, my friend, were a present of the Canadian Gummint.

Deadpool Corps #11

That was cool and explody. (Lady Deadpool)

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